


Ce cœur qui t'a tant aimé

by raspberryhunter



Category: Don Carlos | Don Carlo - Verdi/du Locle/Méry
Genre: Angst, M/M, poor communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 11:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17786579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspberryhunter/pseuds/raspberryhunter
Summary: Rodrigo forgot himself for just a second, just enough to quiet Carlos in the way he had ached to do for years and never had.





	Ce cœur qui t'a tant aimé

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iberiandoctor (jehane)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jehane/gifts).



> Thank you to zdenka for beta!

The lanterns shone in the Queen's garden, bathing the trees and flowers in dim golden light and casting darkly inviting shadows, but Rodrigo could not enjoy it.

The Princess Eboli had just left in fury from the garden, to what end or plot Rodrigo did not know. He glanced at Carlos, worried. If Eboli said what she knew, or even hinted to the wrong people, it could be very bad.

Carlos met his eyes. "Alas," said Carlos quietly, "my love for the Queen has led us all here... it is a sorrow that drains my life."

Rodrigo sighed noiselessly. If only, he thought, if only Carlos could give up this hopeless love, he would surely be happier. But Rodrigo, better than anyone, knew that love could not just be put aside when it became inconvenient, or even when it brought pain. 

He forced himself to think. He had had the beginnings of an idea, a plan, while Eboli had been speaking. "Carlos, if you have any important papers... notes... plans... you must give them to me!" Whatever Eboli planned, Rodrigo thought, even if he did not have to deploy the papers, he would still rest easier if they were out of Carlos' hands.

Carlos, in the midst of drawing them out of his doublet, stopped and said suddenly, "To you? To the intimate friend of the King?"

Eboli had called him that, and Rodrigo supposed that the King regarded him as such. And yet to be reproached like this, when for so long he had loved Carlos! When he planned to save him, at such cost -- it was almost too much. "Carlos, do you doubt me?"

Carlos looked at Rodrigo and said slowly, "This heart that has loved you so much will never be closed to you. I still trust you, my friend… Here are my important papers!"

Rodrigo took them and hid them away in his doublet. "You can trust in me, my Carlos." He was aware his expression must look a little strange; relief that Carlos did not doubt him, and had given him the papers that marked him a traitor, compounded with the worry and the grief he already felt at the prospect of having to use them. He looked at Carlos as a man looks at a treasure he may soon lose: the slight flush on Carlos' cheeks, the way his skin curved at the hollow of his throat, and he was filled with longing that he tried not to show at all.

"But —" said Carlos, "Rodrigo, what do you want them for, _why_ —"

It was the question Rodrigo had hoped and prayed Carlos would not ask. His mind was already whirling with what had happened with Eboli tonight, and his plans for the papers — and he forgot himself for just a second, just enough to quiet Carlos in the way he had ached to do for years and never had: he bent his head and kissed his prince on the mouth.

Carlos' eyes went wide for a brief second, enough for Rodrigo to think, oh, what have I done, and then Carlos wrapped his arms around Rodrigo and kissed him back.

Rodrigo closed his eyes, unable to think of anything but the feel of Carlos' lips, slightly rough, against his own; Carlos' hand tangled in his hair. He had dreamed of this moment for so long, and yet the dreams were nothing compared to the living reality of Carlos in his arms. His mind flooded with sensation, he whispered against Carlos' mouth, "Let me — let me help you forget Elisabeth…"

"Yes," Carlos breathed, the barest wisp of sound, and drew back far enough to look into Rodrigo's eyes. He stammered, "Rodrigo... I didn't think... you... but if you..."

Rodrigo placed a finger on Carlos' lips. He did not want to hear Carlos talk of Elizabeth. "I... know, my Carlos, about impossible loves."

He looked away then, and so did not see the expression that crossed Carlos' face; if he had, perhaps everything might have been different. After a second Carlos said huskily, "I understand." And he tugged at Rodrigo's hand, and the two of them ran together from the Queen's gardens, to Carlos' rooms.

There they touched, and kissed, and touched more intensely and deeply, until they were both desperate with desire, until release came to them both and Carlos gasped out Rodrigo's name.

*

Rodrigo woke the next morning tangled with Carlos, sated with pleasure, with an unaccustomed heavy warmth at his side. Carlo's body was snuggled up to him, his arm flung around Rodrigo's chest, his cheek against Rodrigo's shoulder. He lay there for a moment, supremely happy in a way he had not been in a long time, listening to Carlos' even breathing. The night before, he remembered, smiling, Carlos' breath had been rather more unsteady.

Then he remembered the rest of it. Eboli. Carlos' treasonous papers. Rodrigo's own plan. His heart sank.

For a moment he had the fleeting thought that he would tell Carlos all; he would lay his plan at Carlos' feet; they would both tear up the treasonous papers.

Carlos opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at him, nuzzling against him. "Rodrigo," he said, the word a caress, his lips nuzzling against Rodrigo's neck. Rodrigo could not see his face, and did not see Carlos' smile fade as he further woke, nor the resoluteness that took its place.

"Rodrigo," he said again, sitting up and taking one of Rodrigo's hands in his determinedly; Rodrigo could see him trying to smile.

Rodrigo tenderly smoothed down a tendril of Carlos' soft brown hair. It was on the tip of his tongue to say, yes, my Carlos, it has only ever been you — and then Carlos went on: "I did not know, Rodrigo, that you too had a lost love, someone you adore as I do my Elisabeth. I am glad we were able to comfort each other, my friend. Who — if you feel you can confide in me — is the lady?"

He felt his bones turning to ice. Finally he turned away from Carlos and said, looking blindly at the wall, "It is true, my prince; I too love — madly, passionately — one who loves another. But it is hopeless, and so it does not matter —" his voice broke for an instant, despite his best efforts; he willed it back to smoothness — "it does not matter at all who it is."

Carlos looked at him with a sweet, concerned look, and it seemed that he might have spoken; but then he blinked and started, and the moment passed. "Oh, Rodrigo, we will speak of this later, but I have just remembered." He jumped off the bed and began dressing hurriedly. "I have to speak with the delegates from Fl — oh, it is a surprise, you will see at the great assembly today. Rodrigo, you will be proud of me, you shall see — " and he embraced Rodrigo quickly and was gone.

And Rodrigo stared after him, desolate.


End file.
